Just in Time Parenting

Your baby is one of a kind. Babies are different in many ways:

• Rhythms Some babies eat, sleep, and even have bowel movements about the same time each day. Others never do the same thing from one day to the next.
• Approach or withdrawal Some babies shy away from new things, while others seek them out.
• Adaptability Some babies won’t take their formula if it isn’t the right temperature. Some babies can sleep only in their own cribs. Others do fine no matter where they are or with whom.
• Intensity of Reaction Some babies whimper quietly when they’re cold or hungry. Others howl as soon as they are unhappy.
• Level of Responsiveness Some babies notice the tiniest change around them. Others can sleep through thunderstorms.

All of these things make up your baby’s temperament or personality. Some combinations are easier to live with than others.

Some babies are active and predictable. They adapt easily to change and are usually happy.

Some babies pull away from new things a little and adapt slowly to change.

Some babies tend to be unpredictable and hard to comfort. They have a hard time with new situations and it takes them a long time to get used to change.

If your baby is hard to comfort, know:

Your baby is not doing this on purpose and is not bad. He can grow up to be as bright and loving as others. Your baby was born with this style of adapting, but it may change as he grows. This kind of baby needs caring and patient parents who will accept him and help him learn.

To help a baby who has a hard time dealing with new situations:

Introduce things slowly, so he gets accustomed to them. Pay attention to your baby’s signals, and watch how he reacts to the world. Over time, you will figure out how much change and activity are right for your baby. This style of adapting, which makes your baby seem hard to comfort, may help him when he is older. It may help him think for himself and not go along with the crowd.

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How I Grow and Talk

• I rock, roll, and twist my body.
• I kick my feet and suck on my toes.
• I keep my head and back straight when I sit if you support my body.
• If you hold me under my arms, I stand up, jump up and down, and stamp my feet.
• I have pretty good aim when I grab at something.
• I can roll from my tummy to my back, and I may be able to roll from my back to my tummy.
• I watch your mouth and try to imitate you when you talk to me.
• I make sounds such as ee, ah, ooh, and maybe da, pa, ma, ba.
• I babble to myself, to my toys, and to people — I get attention that way!

How I Respond

• I look around when I hear sounds.
• I may cry when I see strangers.
• I look for something if I drop it.
• I stop crying when you talk to me.
• I usually cling to you when you hold me.
• I have my good days and my bad days — just as everyone does.

How I Understand and Feel

• I recognize my name.
• I can tell the difference between me and others in the mirror.
• I remember what I just did.
• I am very interested in toys that can be touched and chewed on. I like to twist, shake, and bang my toys.
• As I play, I learn what it means to be near and far. I also learn about inside and outside.
• As I play and explore, I learn about the world.
• I am starting to show fear, anger, and disgust. It doesn’t mean I’m bad, it just means I’m growing into a normal person with many emotions.
• I’m beginning to be aware of my feelings. I notice your feelings, facial expressions, and body language.

Some children do things earlier or later than described here.

Most differences are normal. Focus on what your child can do and get excited about each new skill. If you notice that your child is lagging behind in one or more areas for several months, circle the things that your child cannot do. Check the things your child can do. Use this list to talk with your doctor about your child’s development.

 

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Between 5 and 6 months of age, several things begin to happen. Your baby’s growth will begin to slow down. He will become more active and burn more calories.

Your doctor is probably telling you to not start solid foods for another month or two. Your friends and relatives are probably telling you that everyone starts solids sooner. Pay attention to your doctor. Breast milk is best. Keep up the breast milk and/or the infant formula your doctor has recommended. If you don’t already have a breastfeeding support group, check out the La Leche League at http:// forums.llli.org/ Help your baby learn to eat when he is hungry and to stop eating when he begins to feel full.

No Honey, Honey!

Babies under 1 year old should not be red honey. Honey is harmful to babies because it has spores that can cause infant botulism.

Help your baby learn to eat when he is hungry and to stop eating when he begins to feel full.

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Your baby likes to look at brightly colored pictures in books. Point to the pictures of items as you read to your baby. Make up your own short story about pictures you see on a page of a book or a magazine.

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Some parents make a regular date to be with other parents and babies. Babies enjoy these play groups. Parents may enjoy them even more! You may be able to use each other for emergency baby-sitting, too.

All parents have days when their babies wear them out. It helps to have a friend you can call on for an hour or so if you need to run an errand or when you just need time alone.

To raise a baby, you need help. Is there someone in your neighborhood who loves babies? Are there new parents nearby who might like to join a play group?

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Sometimes parents wonder if there are signs that their baby is not developing normally. There are lists of warning signs, or red flags (as some people call them), to help you find out if your baby is developing normally. To get more information on these warning signs, talk to your doctor or go to this web site: http://www.cdc.gov/ ncbddd/actearly/

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Help your baby discover his feet.

• Rub his feet together.
• Bring his feet to his mouth.
• Count his toes.

Say, “This little piggy went to market (wiggling the big toe). This little piggy stayed home (wiggling the next toe). This little piggy ate roast beef for dinner (wiggling the third toe). This little piggy had none (wiggling the fourth toe). And this little piggy cried wee, wee, wee, all the way home (wiggling the littlest toe).”

Help your baby discover his hands.

• Rub his hands together.
• Bring his hands to his mouth.
• Count his fingers.

Help him clap his hands together. Do hand games such as patty cake. Clap your baby’s hands as you say, “Patty cake, patty cake, baker’s man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can. (Pat hands on lap.) Pat it and roll it (move hands in a circle) and mark it with a B (draw the letter B with the hand). Put it in the oven for baby and me (pulling hands away from your baby).”

Take time to laugh together!

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Difficult Sounds: A Communication Game

Purpose of game: to encourage your baby to imitate sounds and words. Repeat the sounds your baby makes so she can hear them twice. As you say these sounds back to your baby, you are helping her learn how to make the sounds she has “invented.”

How to play: Hold your baby in your arms and let her relax. Make sounds such as “brr-own,” “grrrate,” “bizzz-y,” “uh-oh,” and “aaa-all gone.” Face her so she can watch your lips move. Nuzzle or cuddle her after you make the sounds. Laugh, smile, or hug her gently when she makes the sounds.

If your baby still wants to play, try new words and sounds. Face your baby so she can see you say other words and sounds.

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Watch what your baby does when things disappear from view. Does she lean over to look for things she dropped? Does she look for a favorite toy?

These are signs that your baby’s memory is growing. When she was younger, out of sight was out of mind. Now, she is learning that things exist even when she can’t see them.

You can have fun with your baby and help her memory at the same time. Show your baby a toy, and then cover it — slowly at first — with a cloth or cup. Does your baby try to pull the cover off? What if you cover only part of the toy? Try different toys and different covers.

Play peek-a-boo to help your baby learn that you come back when you go away. Sometimes cover your face and sometimes hers. If your baby doesn’t have fun playing these games now, wait a few weeks and try again.

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Now is the time to remove crib toys that fit across the crib. When babies can push up on their hands and knees, sometime around 5 months of age, they can fall over a toy in the crib and not be able to get free. This could cause a baby to strangle.

Hooded shirts, toys, or anything with strings can also cause strangling, so keep these things away from your baby.

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“Ever since we had the baby, there’s been a lot of strain between my partner and me. We never seem to have time just to sit and talk anymore. I can’t seem to tell him how I feel. Things really seem to be piling up between us.”

Many parents feel this way. With all the demands that a new baby adds to your busy life, it’s difficult to find time to sit down, talk, and make a plan for working together. Even though it’s difficult, it’s important to find the time to talk about what’s bothering you.

Chances are that your partner also has been storing up some gripes. Set up a date or set aside a special time each week that you can be together and talk without being interrupted.

Use “I messages.” Tell each other how you feel, without placing blame. Instead of saying, “You always put me down” say, “I feel put down when you tell me…” By using “I messages,” your partner will not feel blamed or accused and is likely to be more interested in addressing the problem.

Be direct. Say what you mean, rather than hoping your partner can guess or know what you mean. Instead of saying, “The living room looks messy” say, “I get upset when the newspapers are all over the room, and I have to pick them up.”

Avoid the question trap. Instead of saying, “Why didn’t you call to tell me you’d be late?” say, “I was worried that something had happened to you when you didn’t come home at the usual time. Next time, please call me, so I won’t worry.”

When you find yourself ready to ask a question or place blame, identify what you are really feeling. Then send an “I message” instead.

Listen, listen, and listen! Give your partner a chance to air his or her feelings and gripes. Don’t interrupt, jump to conclusions, preach, or quickly offer advice. Check back to see if you really understood what was said. For example say, “Let me see if I understand…” or “Are you saying that…?”

These skills will be helpful as you parent your baby. You may not agree with each other about how to discipline your baby. One of you may want to distract the baby from dangerous objects, while the other may believe in yelling at the baby. These are issues to be worked out by talking them through and using the skills listed above.

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For more parenting info and updated links, visit www.jitp.info.

Questions? Need help? Contact your local Extension office.

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Reviewed and updated in 2019 by Dan Weigel, Ph.D.

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